[claire]Wednesday, July 28th, 2:20pm

[Mark Holmes]

Hi everyone,

I'm going to try to keep everyone updated more frequently now.  There=20
have been more rapid changes in Tara's condition in the last 2 days,=20
and it seems to be progressing into a next stage.  Of course she could=20=

pull through this one, but it is quite serious and I just want to keep=20=

you all as informed as possible since anything could happen.  I've been=20=

very sensitive to Tara's wishes and privacy regarding the information I=20=

send to the entire group.  It's not that she doesn't want people to=20
know what is happening here; but some of what she's struggling with as=20=

you might imagine makes her feel quite vulnerable.  And of course when=20=

her body is changing so much, and everything seems out of control, I=20
think it's natural to try to hold onto things as you can.

But she's at a place now where she has no energy for e-mails, either=20
having me write them (there was never much of this anyway), or now even=20=

having them read to her.  I'm now choosing of my own accord to share=20
some details with you all because I know how much everyone cares and is=20=

concerned, and would like to be included in this process.  Please=20
receive this information with the care, respect and discretion that you=20=

would if she were telling you herself.  And I will trust and hope that=20=

she is comfortable with me writing this; I feel that if everyone knows=20=

what's happening, the positive energy and love will be more focused and=20=

therefore beneficial.

Tara's eyesight has continued to lessen over our nearly 5 weeks here at=20=

the ashram.  She is effectively blind, and has been unable to recognize=20=

people visually for some time.  She has some sensitivity to brightness,=20=

but it is not really a visual perception necessarily=97more like bright=20=

light gives her a headache.  Interestingly her hearing has been=20
compensating for the change in her visual acumen, and she has enjoyed=20
applying this new 'Spidey-sense' to the correction of my pronunciation=20=

of Keralan names and sanskrit chants.   My sense of good-humored=20
chagrin has been honed proportionately.

She has been unable to walk unaided for the last week or so; in fact=20
the last few days I have been bearing most of her weight when she needs=20=

to move about.  This makes the daily necessities of life more=20
challenging, but we're coping and for the most part does not struggle=20
in this regard as Clare and I give her much assistance with our=20
strength and love.

Her ability to eat food and keep it down has been very low in the last=20=

4 to 5 days; both lack of appetite and nausea make getting nutrients=20
into her body quite challenging.  Sleep is also been very difficult, so=20=

this is also a continuing challenge.  With sleep, breathing is right up=20=

there with moment-to-moment concerns.  She simply feels that she can't=20=

get enough air in for her comfort.  I went into town yesterday and got=20=

some supplemental oxygen which she tried out this morning, but it=20
wasn't helping.  A doctor at the Regional Cancer Center said the issue=20=

isn't getting enough oxygen but simply the muscular struggle of=20
breathing; this is consistent with her continued decline of physical=20
energy in all other aspects of her body.

There are more details, but I think that gives you a pretty good=20
picture of her struggle right now.  On the upside, her pain has abated=20=

almost completely; at least she does not feel painful discomfort=20
(though the breathing is very difficult for her right now).  She feels=20=

this is simply because her body's energy is so low that she simply is=20
beyond feeling the pain right now.

I am not reading her e-mails to her right now, but I would encourage=20
you to continue to write them.  I believe this process of thinking,=20
feeling and writing what's in your heart is of great benefit to her and=20=

everyone.  Like prayer flags or prayer wheels in Tibet, the simple act=20=

of making prayers physical is in essence of way of making them real;=20
and though they are electronic, they are literally transmitted and=20
received here in this space where she is working on the biggest=20
challenge of her life.  I can't help but think that is a blessing for=20
her, for yourself, and for all involved.

Clare and I and all the amazing people here at the ashram will continue=20=

our work with Tara, and please continue to do so in your own way. =20
Every bit makes a difference.  I will keep you posted on any changes in=20=

her condition.

With deepest love and respect,

Tara and Mark and Clare and and and and and and...=