[claire]Dear Diary

[Mark Holmes]

Hi Everyone,

It's saturday the 21st, 9:48am here in Trivandrum.  I'm staying for a=20
few days with Swami Tattvarupananda at his flat here in town; I left=20
the ashram yesterday, though will be returning tomorrow for a final=20
small celebration and (likely tearful) goodbyes.  We performed Tara's=20
final puja on Thursday morning, and released her soul to reside at the=20=

feet of the Lord.  The ceremony was beautiful and intricate, and we=20
were all dripping wet after our ritual bath in the river.  It must be=20
performed in wet clothes, though I've yet to find out why.

Packing up to leave the ashram was pretty intense, as these last 2=20
months have been some of the most concentrated of my life.  And though=20=

I will spend the day there on Sunday, it will honestly be more as a=20
visitor.  I felt a strong sense of Tara's presence in my room that last=20=

night as I was sorting through everything.  It might have been a result=20=

of the puja that morning, or the feast we threw in her honor that day,=20=

but something was there.  And though I'm not normally very sensitive to=20=

these things (and am often quite skeptical), there was an unmistakable=20=

feeling of her with me for a few minutes; it was light, calm, smiling,=20=

and I think grateful.  Perhaps a bit amused by it all as well.  It was=20=

lovely.

I'll be spending the day today with my dear friend Chrisandra (with=20
whom I share a birthday) and her friend Meg; they're both=20
coincidentally staying near Trivandrum doing a 5-week ayurvedic=20
cleanse, and it will be lovely to see them.  I'm also teaching Swami-T=20=

some things about PageMaker and Photoshop, and trying to find a way to=20=

get the ants to stop nesting inside my laptop.  Life, in all it's=20
strange twists and turns, definitely goes on.

You've all heard by now about the ceremony taking place this weekend on=20=

the Yuba.  This will be the first of 5 holy places in the world that=20
will receive Tara's remains over the next few weeks.  I hope you can=20
all attend.  And though I won't be there in person, I will be there in=20=

faith, spirit, joy and deep affection.

Tara left behind a small journal that she wrote in periodically over=20
the past few months.  I spent a little time reading over it this=20
morning, and it's a rare glimpse inside of Tara's mind and=20
heart=97something we didn't have a lot of contact with in her last =
weeks.=20
  She speaks of love, confusion, concern over money, devotion and faith;=20=

big philosophical questions receive the same ink as dreams of her=20
beloved pug friend Jupie.  There is desire, anger, sadness, insecurity,=20=

and naturally an amazing ability to sit and bear witness to all of it=20
in it's entirety=97something we've all come to know and love about Tara. =
=20
I'd like to share with you a small selection that she wrote on March=20
10th that I think fits well with what's happening this weekend.  I know=20=

this is a little short notice, but perhaps someone could print this out=20=

and read it at the ceremony.

The next ceremony with her remains will take place on August 25th at a=20=

very important temple opposite Sri Lanka called Rameshwaram.  I will=20
forward details when I get them.

Until then, much love.

Mark


[from Tara's diary]

"March 10

Remember that at any given moment you are doing your best.

I've been thinking so much of Kottakkel [an ayurvedic hospital here in=20=

Kerala].  Missing it.  Wondering what this infection is in my lungs. =20
My left lung.  It's getting better, Claire.  But I want FULL recovery. =20=

You'll have it.  Be more vigilant and diligent.  And you'll have it. =20
Hello?  God?  God you've taken amazing care of me.  I'm immersed=97well=20=

kind of in spiritual pursuits; I feel like a failure in terms of=20
finance but that will change.  I'm doing my best and I'm well taken=20
care of.  What are the basics.  Everything happens for the best. =20
EVERYTHING.  Nothing was a mistake.  Every mistake is a stepping stone=20=

to your success.  Each moment what is lacking?  Nothing.  Each breath=20
is there.  Hydration, flesh, comfort, shelter is there.  Love is there.=20=

  Live in the spacious abode of your heart.  Be content.  Contentment,=20=

patience, perseverance.  Be loving.  With yourself and others.  Each=20
day offers a new beginning.  You can make up for the lost things.

Everything happens for the best.

I am blessed.

We are all blessed."